What’s my name?

What’s my name

 

He was four and didn’t know his name

He thought he knew what he was called

But when the teacher called “Ceri”

He didn’t say a thing.

She asked again

And looked at him.

He looked confused

And standing up

Said my names “boy”.

 

There’s a poverty of the heart.

No answer

No answer.

 

I was awake sitting upright in darkness

Listening to the sound of spitting rain

hitting the skylights darkened pane

from the rhythm of my hearts racing

I knew that something had happened

that feeling in my gut of hopelessness

 

And I heard you say “Is it Tourette’s

The way you shout in your sleep”

And it was that waking time again

when nightmares and terrors reign

calling me from dreams so deep

It’s a kind of Russian roulette.

 

The dream felt as if it was real

as if it was really happening

as if I hadn’t been here before.

But it was the same time, same hour

that same real body feeling

sweating, heart beating. Real.

 

I was shouting out loud again

that noise echoing in my brain.

That noise that crunching sound.

That noise of steel being ground

brought me out of my sleep

Sweating, heart beating. Real.

Perfect Guiness Add

Edinburgh 002

Waiting

You said we’d meet in the Packet

a bar that had a rough reputation

I wondered about that

as I ordered a Guiness.

You always kept me waiting

that was one of the things

one of many things

I liked about you.

The bar had fallen silent

I looked around and saw

the seagull on the top

of a broad brimmed straw hat.

You were six feet two

and stood head and shoulders

above the men lining the bar

all of them looking at you.

The sun glasses you wore

stared at me above

that wide white toothed grin

you said make that two pints.

 

I loved waiting for you.