It was painful that experience
Of first love and the abruptness
Of that unexpected separation
Rejection how else was I supposed
To understand your disappearance.
You believed in direct action.
And I had walked away from Christ
But not the teaching of love
Supporting violence was not my cause.
It was the first and last time we argued
And then you were gone
And love. My love was left
Fluttering in the darkness.
I’d thought it was better to work
From within. A compromise
You’d said. I wanted no labels
Attached to me. But no matter
What I said or did to avoid this
Providing the machine with an excuse
To dismiss. Devoid of reason
They went ahead in any case.
For forty years I’d worked
To help and speak for those
Appointed and anointed as the cause
Of societies shame and failings.
And at a time when I was brought
to my knees and my belief
and hope suddenly made to falter
I sought you out – that place
that time when it felt like
there was a degree of certainty
to see what you had done
with your life and whether you’d found
an answer or even happiness
The first search brought up
Your face from a photograph
In your obituary I recognised
had been taken at that time.
In that place that house
Where we had lived together
And you were gone again.